5.07.2013

reconciling time

this blog is about a dead mosquito.. and how i reconcile myself with time.  im not sure what you were hoping for when you clicked what ever link that brought you here.. actually thats a really good question, why do you read my blog?

i sorta doubt anyone will relate to the things im going to talk about.  perhaps i can give you some interesting perspective if anything.  if that doesnt catch your interest, here is a bit of entertainment thats easier to digest.  moving on...

once upon a time, i did things. i went to work 5 days a week. church on sundays. adventures and projects on weekends. i had a life. i was even married once. i guess these things relate to the structure of the common modern life. but that was all a long time ago. things are different for me now. its been several years since i had any of that in my life.

i dont work any more. i dont have enough energy for church. im certainly not spending entire saturdays climbing mountains and taking photos like i used to. in fact i rarely leave the house at all. once in a while on a restless night ill have it in me to go for a walk around the neighborhood. lately im pretty spent after walking down to the grocery store for some orange juice. the rest of the time i save my strength for social engagements, spending time with my transcendent girlfriend or hanging out with old friends.

the significance is that on a weekly basis i dont really have anywhere that i am supposed to be.  i am entirely neglected by the ebb and flow of a busy world.  the effect is that i have wholly lost track of the days. and of time in general. it means that at any given moment i probably have no idea what day it is. when was the last time you had that feeling on a continual basis? im guessing it was summer time around 6th grade. today you have something nearly always pushing and pulling you to this and that. work deadlines constantly on your mind. 5 different alarms you pay attention to in a 24 hour period. if you have kids its a never ending schedule of here and there. church comes around every sunday with few surprises. all these things and many more keep you firmly attached to the revolutions of the planet. i simply no longer relate. i dont even sleep every day. im usually fully awake when one day fades into the next. the days blend together like crazy, making it very difficult for me to keep track of time and days of the week. i need nearly constant reminders.  some of you may have noticed...

utah weather doesnt help much. we all know how it is. you never know what it will be. snow? sunburns? both? i prefer the summer time but even that doesnt require much from me as im going to be wearing the same shoes and clothes either way most likely.

however, there is at least one thing that requires a firm reckoning from me. today is such a day. tonight as i sit here reading the reactions of people to the changes Adobe has made to their software. as i listen to the latest music released from the new superman movie coming june 14th. as i look at photos posted on twitter from some of my favorite photographers and as i read excerpts from jim gaffigans book that was just released today... a mosquito made the fatal mistake of flying in front of my glowing computer screen.

its now 2013 and ive just made first contact...  

mosquitoes are a big deal to me, for a few reasons. more and more in my old age i have come to view my enfeebled body as a temple (i guess). mosquitoes represent a vile trespass. a violation that makes me very uneasy. just the idea of it upsets me. besides that i try to limit the already ridiculously high levels of general discomfort in my life. sleep is already a difficult enough task, adding the nuisance of insect bites is... grief i dont need...

so what does this mean? it means i close the open window in my hot room. i make sure doors are shut tight. i make sure windows are shut. i hunt them (literally) in my room before i lie down. i unwillingly adopt a hyper alerted awareness of every tiny itch or faint microscopic sensation on my skin. i am a hostage.  basically i live in a general state of paranoia whether im indoors or outdoors from now till about november.

here is the little devil.


and the world spins madly on...